Smartasses of the world unite!!

Generally a smartass and believer in the Twainism that Against the assualt of laughter, nothing can stand. Mission: mock bigotry, narcisism, and ignorance. This is a collection of thoughts on baseball, politics, economics, and occasional other things.

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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

History Channel...........you kinda suck at history

A stern middle-aged man with gray hair is wearing a dark red suit. He is standing behind a table, holding a rolled up document in one hand, and pointing with the other hand to a large document on the table.
What Sam Adams really looked like - note the "not a 
hunky type" vibe he's putting out - bad for TV I guess.

This past week (Jan 25th - 27th) the History Channel broadcast a 6 hour miniseries (1 - 2 hour episode each night over 3 nights) entitled The Sons Of Liberty. Did you see it? I saw it. There are 5 things that really suck in the History Channel presentation. They suck mostly because, you know, history seems to have been less important than entertainment. That's disappointing because it was on the History Channel, and with "History" being in the name of the channel one would think history would be pretty important. They probably should have called it "Boston 90210" or "Boston Place" or something more bullshitty because it's like nothing happened outside of Boston. Hello??? New York City, Philadelphia. Here are 5 things that just sucked.

1) Sam Adams is shown as THE central figure in the beginning of the movement for independence. Now, Sam Adams was pretty important, but he wasn't on the scale of John Hancock, or his cousin John Adams, or Paul Revere in the early days of the independence movement. He's portrayed as a pissed off tough guy itching to fight the British. He was really more of a writer, and speaker. Early in his political career he was quite a advocate of the Colonies. He's the one responsible for the idea "No taxation without representation" which in the context of the times meant that the Colonies should be responsible to collect taxes (which is funny because he collected taxes for the Colony early as a professional) and administering the affairs of the Colonies - not the British Parliament where there was no representation on the Colonies' part. He's also shown in the show as fighting, running across rooftops, causing trouble among the British troops, and even climbing aboard a ship during the Boston Tea Party brandishing pistols at the 2 guards on the ship before they jump into the harbor. In actuality Samuel Adams was not AT the Boston Tea Party, and physically he was not a tall, lean, athletic man. He was really kinda just a regular guy of his era. A great patriot, but not a brooding tough guy badass.

2) John Hancock is portrayed in the first 2 and a half episodes as a spoiled little rich kid merchant who has to be dragged along by Sam Adams. John Hancock is correctly remembered as a pretty ballsy guy who put his money where his mouth was when it came to the cause of the colonials. He was a merchant, and a rumored smuggler (though the Crown never got the charges to stick) who was with the movement very early on. He was a wealthy man who put it all on the line. Picture Bill Gates putting his fortune on the line to upend today's political environment. This mini-series really does him discredit. If you believe the show, he never really comes over to the movement until General Gage takes his house while Hancock tries to bribe him. I'd expect John Hancock to roll over in his grave, dig himself up, and beat the shit out the writer of the screenplay. They really make the President of the 1st Continental Congress look like a little pussy.

3) Where are Thomas Paine, Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson? Where the fuck is Patrick Henry? He WAS IN the Sons Of Liberty, and had the most badass quote of the movement. "Give me liberty, or give me death!" Now, neither Paine nor Jefferson were in the Sons Of Liberty, so it's fair that they're not really covered much at all, but when we get into the 3rd episode, and we see Adams and Ben Franklin at the Continental Congress in Philadelphia.  We see George Washington there. He meets our heroes, but shit it's George Washington. Gotta have some Washington in there. There's a "There's Thomas Jefferson" scene. Jefferson is mentioned by Ben Franklin as a candidate to write a Declaration of Independence when Sam Adams finally convinces the Continental Congress to declare independence - cuz it was originally his idea. The writings of Paine, and Jefferson - what were they?

4) General Gage is sent from England to replace the Governor of Massachusetts, and is such a dick that his wife has an affair with Dr. Warren - another member of the Sons Of Liberty. Gage was a dick, and it's been a historical rumor that his wife did get secrets to the colonials. But General Gage really never left the Colonies. After he fought in the French and Indian War, he remained in the Colonies as Governor or Montreal, and later as Commander in Chief of British Military Forces. As for his wife, the mini-series tells she was a pretty typical trophy wife of the era until she saw the good general giving it to a chamber maid through a keyhole, because back then keyholes were HUGE. I guess it's a good thing she saw that in the end, because she hooked up with the good  Dr. What luck!! If Gage doesn't take the chamber maid over the desk would we even be here today?! Gage does get a measure of revenge as he finds out about her dalliance, and kills Dr. Warren at the Battle of Bunker Hill. Warren did die in the battle, but was it at the hand of General Gage? Doubtful.

5) Interesting that the main sponsor of this mini-series was Sam Adams beer. Coincidence?!?!?! Look, the story of the Sons Of Liberty, Sam Adams, John Adams, Paul Revere, and others is really compelling. Does it really need to be sexed up, and made into a "one guy convincing the hesitant crowd that this is what needs to happen" narrative? That's good drama I suppose, but it's really shitty history. Maybe on another channel, but on the History Channel - I'd like to see, you know, history as opposed to a 6 hr beer ad.

Honorable Mention) Ben Franklin comes off as a 18th century hippie and remarks about the idea of independence during a conversation "Well that's an absolutely bat-shit crazy idea."

Really?