Names again?

Mark - good name. Marcuses are usually pretty cool. If they end it with the "k" - kinda jaggish. Jason most of the time turns out to be a knob,and if they spell it "Jayson" - total ass. Tiffany - total skank, and if she wraps it up with an "i" at the end - stripper. Maynard - dork. Audreys are cool most of the time. Bill - cool. William - asshole. Petes are cool too. Peter? Dunno - something about having a penis euphamism as a name - just like Dick. Let's see, Patty - lesbian. Patti - cool. Patti is the only girl name ending with "i" that is not skanky/stripperish. Good to know. Apollo? Total jackass. Tim - cool. Timmys are usually wusses. Timothys are pretentious, and annoying. Sam - girls and boys go by Sam. Sams of either gender are pretty cool. Samanthas are bitches. Samuels are total dorks. Pauls are almost always cool, as are Paulas. Paulines are usually stuck up. Paulinas are usually kinda bookish, but in a cute way.