A Million First Dates
Interesting piece recommended in general by someone on a dating site.
Equally as interesting are the reply pieces with an array of perspectives.
I quite disagree with the conclusion that online dating has made commitment, and monogamy a dying phenomenon. I think the issue has too many moving parts, and none of the pieces attempt to isolate variables in a meaningful way. It's all anecdotal, which makes any perspective based on any individual story or "my friend's" (yeah right) story equally valid, or more correctly invalid.
Online dating is, in the history of dating context, a recent development. It's slightly less recent than the feminist movement, no-fault divorce, increased divorce, the sexual revolution, Disney princesses, daytime drama, prime time drama, reality TV, reality matchmaking TV, American Idol, and the fucking tea party. That is to say, our recent history is replete with movements and phenomena that reinforce our Freudian Ego with the idea that the perfection we want is out there. All we have to do is go get it. And goddamn do we go get it.
Problem with that is there are no competing phenomena to help our Freudian Id. Poor Id. The most important subconscious job, and Ego gets all the ammo. It's the Dark Side/Light Side of the Force dichotomy. The Dark side is more powerful, and easier, but the Light side wins with discipline and patience. But who wants to go through all the training?
My experience with online dating began with my divorce. At first it was a reinforcement that I was, indeed, not a freak. There were all kinds of divorced people out there. Most of them were quite normal. I'm sure, like most people feeling the rejection divorce brings with it, online dating also brought back feeling attractive to the opposite sex. That's powerful, and it's easy to follow it down the dark side, especially when it comes in waves - as it can online - when messaging multiple people.
Online dating also gives an immediate sense of identifying people who accept myths that I reject. Soul mate? The one person in the world meant for me, who just happens to be in a 25 mile radius. Can't find her, set your search criteria to 50 miles. Sorry, soul mate, not real. Thank you Disney, soap operas, the Bachelor/Bacheloerette and most every romantic comedy for sharing that sweet piece of bullshit with everyone. There is no such thing as a soul mate. I hope when I meet mine, she does not hold it against me. I was able to read dating profiles with this "one true love" shit, and quickly go "next."
No matter what happens, you'll land on your feet. Get up, and carry on. The ONLY difference between doing that online versus offline is that online you see all the faces/profiles. Offline it's a matter of confidence that you'll be OK. That only comes with experience. Online you see the safety net, and offline you do not. Are you more likely to take risks seeing the net, or just knowing it's there?
But those things are not endemic to online dating. In the analog world you can find yourself with multiple dating options. You still need to make 2 choices. Choice 1 is whom to date. Choice 2 is to not be a douche. That's really what it comes to.
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