Here it is, silly season. March Madness? No. Spring training? No. Taxes? Hell no. Slackers finally taking down their goddamned Christmas lights? No, none of that.
It's NFL free agency season. The silliest of all silly seasons. This is the time the NFL juggernaut is fed less by the mainstream fans, and more by the rock headed, backwards cap-wearing, full-of-shit "experts" in every city. The guys who won their fantasy league going away one season, 7 years ago, but have been "snake bit" since then, but damned if they don't know what's what. Ask them, they'll tell you. Shit, you don't even have to ask them. They'll tell you anyway.
These are the guys - and they're always guys, I've yet to meet a "full of shit" variety female fan - who will tell you why the GM of their team is an idiot. Everybody knows at least one of these doucherockets. By the way, if you don't know one, then it's you. These the are guys the NFL depends on generating the TV ratings for the goddamn scouting combine. People watch the scouting combine. There are commercials! Who watches this? If I'm watching anyone run fast on TV there better be cops in pursuit, or a gold medal at the end. Who watches TV to see people do the fucking shuttle run for no reason?
Who makes all the comments on the local media websites about how Ted Thompson is ruining the local team (be they Packers, Bears, Lions, Ravens, and on and on and on)? Who calls the radio shows? Who tweets incessantly how stupid Ted Thompson is? These guys. They are the dipshits who were apoplectic last silly season when Ted Thompson didn't sign Steven Jackson, and the year before when he dind't get a 1st rounder for Matt Flynn. Steven Jackson went on to suck ass in Atlanta. Matt Flynn couldn't keep the Buffalo Bills job. Now they're chicken little'ing all over the place about "too much money to Sam Shields," "If the don't sign a safety, Thompson should be fired" "If Thompson doesn't fire Capers/McCarthy, then he should be fired." These are the comments on Wisconsin media. Change the names, and they would be in any other NFL market.
They're in every sport in every city, and they're damned annoying, because all they do is repeat conventional sports wisdom. "Defense wins championships" "Pack needs a running game" "If you can't stop the run, ...." DERP DERP DERP. Here's the thing about conventional wisdom; it's never wise. If I wanted it, I'd turn on ESPN. These people need to shut up and go away, because they give sports fans a bad name. They're the ones throwing drinks at team buses, getting in fights, yelling at the TV in the local establishment, stealing foul balls, and being assholes when someone takes their kids to a game. Nobody cares you won your fantasy league three years running when Marshall Faulk was in his prime, and you got him early because nobody else knew how good he'd be when the Colts let him go except you. Fine genius. Now could you please sit down, and shut up, because nobody is impressed. We'd like to watch the game.
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