Generally a smartass and believer in the Twainism that Against the assualt of laughter, nothing can stand. Mission: mock bigotry, narcisism, and ignorance. This is a collection of thoughts on baseball, politics, economics, and occasional other things.
Retire the number. We know it's deserved for what was done on the field. Enough of the drama
For at least 3 years prior to Brett's first retirement there was the "will Brett retire" dance. After the 2007 season this is pretty much what happened:
Pack: Brett, c'mon man. we do this every year. It's getting old. Make up your mind for everyone
Brett: Well, right now, in March, I think I'll retire.
Press conference, I've love Green Bay. We loved you too Brett. You're the best. No, you're the best
August rolls around
Brett: Man, I know I retired, but it's time for camp. I miss the guys, and playing. I'm not retiring.
Pack: OK, but you have to win the job.
Brett: S'cuse me? I'm Brett f'n Favre. It's my job.
Pack: Negative - you have to win it. Canton bound or not.
Brett: Might as well trade me, cuz' the ol gunslinger is playin'
Pack: OK, but not in the division. You're going to the Jets.
2008 rolls on. Brett's a Jet. Good start, bad finish.
Brett: My arm hurts. I'm retiring - for real this time.
Vikings: Not so fast. Think about it. We're not in a hurry. Jackson.....he's not good.
Brett: Alright I'll think about it.
Vikings: Too bad about the end in Green Bay. We feel terrible for you.
Brett: Thanks man. Chilly, you're alright, and I know Darrell from back in the day. Remember my 3 MVPs?
Vikings: Hellz yeah
Brett: Alright. I'm playing.
Brett tears it up in 2009, but Brett's away the Conference Title against the Saints.
Brett has a forgettable 2010, and A-Rod leads the Pack to SuperBowl LXV.
He want to keep playing, and prove he had it. Nothing more than that. Favre haters need to get over it all.
Brett Favre's number #4 should be retired. The same as Bart Starr's #15. Just like #15 though, #4 should wait until he's enshrined in Canton. Not out of spite, but because that's the Packer way.
Anyone's favorite sports team has too many uniforms. There's the traditional home and away, and most fans don't see a problem with buying a jersey of their favorite player, but really, too much.
Home, away, alternate, throwbacks. It's too much. The Chicago Bears wore orange jerseys. ORANGE!!!! As a Packer fan I'm all for making the Bears look silly, but those orange jerseys (ORANGE!!!!) reminded me of a winter game in Lambeau full of Packer fans wearing their hunting coats. The Chicago Bears should not take the field in orange jerseys. (ORANGE!?!?)
I know the owners need to make a buck, and it's not like stadiums pay for themselves. Taxpayers can do that. I even get it when people say "Hey. Cool orange Bears jersey." (ORANGE???) But really, do the players have to wear them too? My hometown Milwaukee Brewers have home whites, and road grays. That's not enough somehow. There's the navy jerseys. One says "Brewers" One says "Milwaukee" Then there's the wheat colored "gold" option. What is this, bar league softball? That's 6 f'n uniforms!!!!
But wait. There's more. Don't forget the throwbacks. Let's see, there were the Steelers throwbacks that looked like bumble bee stripes, or prisoners. Then the Vikings throwbacks went with the actual purple as opposed to the sparkly Prince purple, with white vents, and gold piping. Cowboys with white helmets, and stars on the shoulder. I guess to harken back to the day when sparkly paint had not been invented. Ahhhh those were the days. The Packers with the navy jerseys, and brown helmets. Then the Browns looked like....well the Browns.
The fans that buy orange Bear jerseys (ORANGE!!!) are going to buy them whether the Bears play in them or not. Some people just like ugly ass clothes. As long as we're picking up the stadium tab, could you guys throttle back the bumblebee stripes, and blaze orange? Really - orange??
This is a new favorite description of mine. I heard it a few years ago on VH1 behind the music, or a top 100 of the 80s, or some wasted time on television that I should have spent writing, or something that I'll never get back. But I digress. Music, or sounds that "jump out of the speakers" are the things that resonate with all of us. We all have different songs, and there are some we have in common. So I took some time, and made a list of some of mine.
She Sells Sanctuary - The Cult
There's more than one way to jump out of the speakers, but She Sells Sanctuary does it with a one of a kind guitar lick that permeates any room it reaches, and Ian Astbury's vocal clarity dominates, and the song explodes after the opening guitar loop. Billy Duffy's riff lives on in the same strata as the opener to Brown Sugar, and You Really Got Me. This one lives on all by itself. Ian Astbury's powerful voice repeats the same verse, but it doesn't matter. This song jumps out and gets you. This is the birth of what we call "Alternative" today. The Cult were the forerunners to Nirvana, and Pearl Jam in the 90s, and today's Green Days.
Where The Streets Have No Name - U2
There's so much going on here it's almost too much. There's the opening crescendo that bursts into Bono's vocal, and the lyrical tone of a desperate search for.....whatever one's searching for and this song jumps from the get go. This is the first song, for me anyway, where I really heard, and thought about Edge as a first rate guitar player. I don't know how he gets so much sound out. They sound like two or more guitarists, and it's just one guy. It's probably the song that gave us the first idea that U2 would be the biggest band in the world since the Beatles.
Badlands - Bruce Springsteen
Springsteen (personally) could fill a list of "jumping out of the speakers" himself but Badlands is my pick as the best of his. It has the qualities of a hymn, and religious revival, as lyrics of finding redemption wherever one may get into you. "I believe in the love that you gave me/I believe in the faith that can save me/I believe in the hope and I pray that someday it may raise me above these badlands" It's the best live song he does. Lyrical wisdom, and a hopeful keyboard part force this song into the listener. The imagery put into your head by the lyrics and you can't help but feel the emotion of a man yearning for redemption from whatever; shattered love, life's hard times, the wear and tear of just trying. It wears on us all, but redemption is within - find it.
Free Fallin' - Tom Petty
Some songs jump out to get you the way a thunderstorm does. Free Fallin jumps out the way a warm breeze envelops you as you sit outside on a summer day. It just goes through you. The simple acoustic riff, and Tom's distinctive voice just melts into and around you. I remember hearing the echo of "Free Fallin" during the chorus thinking "Nobody can sing like Tom Petty." Not that he's a technically great vocalist, but he's so distinctive. This is another song you have to experience live. The sound of the ENTIRE arena, or amphitheatre (if you're lucky enough to catch as outside show - where Petty belongs) singing the chorus......it's the sensation that the word "unbelievable" was invented to describe.
Holiday - Green Day
"Can I get another amen! AMEN!!!" It's been said all you need to be a rock star is 3 chords and the truth. This is a living example of that platitude. The political/cultural theme of the piece only adds to the power of Armstrong's underlying riff. It's been said that Green Day musically is not complicated endeavor, but that's it's brilliance. Simple pieces are laid down as a base, and the truth (at least as the writer sees it) is generously applied, and the result is an infectious back beat, amazing guitar groove, and lyrics that tell you how full of shit you are. It's what rock and roll is at it's best, and Holiday is a shining example.
Kickin' My Heart Around - The Black Crowes
Love stinks, and while J. Geils tongue in cheek is another candidate for this list, the urgency of Chris Robinson's "Fo' the last tiiimeeee - STOP KICKIN' MY HEART AROUND!!" over a lick, that's on top of a slide lick just explodes. This is blues infused rock and roll in a straight line from Little Richard, to Led Zeppelin to Black Crowes. It's a punch in the face, or a punch in the gut depending on your most recent experience with love, or what you may have though was. Powerful from beginning to end.
Don't Stop Believing - Journey
Easy. Steve Perry. I'm glad I found a decent live clip, because Steve Perry is not a product of the studio. While Escape was the 3rd Journey album featuring him, this was the first time his voice was on full display. "Somewhere in the niiiiiiiiight" That sound is permanently ingrained in anyone from the 80s memory banks, and this song lives on. (and on and on and oooonnnnn - I know, but too easy)
I know there are more, but this is a blog. It's gotta end.
This has nothing in common with girls wanting to be on the football team, polygamous families, or bestiality fetishes. Those are distracting arguments. Quite simply homosexual couples are seeking equal recognition under the law of their unions by having them called marriages, and therefore enjoying all the rights that follow; property rights, end of life decisions, tax filing, etcetera. I've heard no fact based argument against same sex marriages. Homosexual marriages don't "redefine" marriages for all. Marriage is a union, and life commitment between two people. The commitment of two homosexuals does not weaken the commitment of two heterosexuals. These marriages are independent of each other. Two lesbians, or two homosexual men who have made this commitment should be able to make end of life decisions, or pass property to each other without the extra-legal work needed under current law. As many smarter than myself have noted the social construct of marriage has evolved from its definition since medieval times from marriages outside of social caste, race, faith, and so on. As to families and child rearing, there is no clear evidence that children raised by homosexual couples have significantly different outcomes than kids raised by heterosexual couples. Research does show that children do best in households where both biological parents are present in the same household for their complete growth and development. 50% of traditional marriages end in divorce, so even half of the preferred settings don't meet the standard. Comparing heterosexual households with one biological parent, and homosexual households with one biological parent, or adoptive households with zero biological parents (hetero and homosexual) there's really no difference when it comes to child rearing and development. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_parenting
There is no compelling argument that marriage equality for same sex marriage will in any way affect the liberties of opposite sex marriages. Those who oppose same sex marriage equality have done little more than argue the "social order" or "traditional norms." All that really means is they're uncomfortable with it, or that it doesn't fit their definition of normal. Why and who cares? It's not your marriage. It doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form.
This
is the most, bar none, overused bucket of stupid there is.
There's nothing so over the top ridiculous as citing a past figure as so
totally on your side, and they'd say so if not for them being fucking dead. I'm sorry, dead icons are not your personal yes man.
It can be the comical; Sirhan Sirhan stating with
certitude that Bobby Kennedy would be in favor of his parole. Well shit,
If he only he knew Bobby would be on his side in a parole hearing,
maybe he wouldn't have put a bullet in the guys fucking skull. Son of a bitch, I guess they're
right; hindsight IS 20/20!
This one takes the cake though. No shit, National Gun Appreciation Day organizer Larry Ward actually said:
WHAT!??!?! - the obvious bucket overflowing with fucking stupid here is that slaves didn't have any rights under the law, and didn't have the right to do anything, let alone keep and bear arms - that's what SLAVERY means!!
But shit, isn't that a kick in the dick; The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, an American icon of civil liberties, and equal rights would be, if not for the whole "being fucking dead thing" on your side if not for some cracker ex-con getting a gun and killing him. Sonuvva bitch!!!! If only there was a law that could keep, like, an ex-con with a history of violent crime from easily getting a gun. Like, maybe you could check his background, criminal history, and prevent sellers from selling him a gun? Y'know, whether he went to a gun shop, gun show, catalog, internet (yes gun-tards I know there was no internet in James Earl Rays day) or from one of his cracker buddies, it'd be tougher? That would be a good idea. Maybe really stiff penalties for a gun shop selling this guy a gun? Really stiff penalties for some cracker getting his cracker-buddy, who'd never pass a check, a gun.
I know, I know, criminals don't obey the law that's why they're criminals. Well, drunk drivers don't follow the law either - so fuck it, let's just let people drive drunk right? That's such a bullshit argument. If your restaurant, or bar serves someone negligently, and they cause a death while driving drunk - you're on the hook jack. If someone sells a gun without a background check - put them on the fucking hook if something happens. If someone does a straw purchase (buys for someone else to bypass a background check on the real buyer) and those guns are put to ill use - put them on the fucking hook. We can at least hold gun sellers to the same standard as a goddamn bartender. THAT is not infringing on anybody's 2nd Amendment rights.
Manti T'eo had a girlfriend. According to him she was the love of his life. She died. Coincidentally, she died the same day as his grandmother. Now the story breaks that this girlfriend was fictitious. Whether he made her up, or she was made up to begin with, and he fell in love online for the phony person, and - ARRGHH - who gives a shit how the details shake out. Story goes on that maybe the made up dead girlfriend story was all to engender sympathy on the part of Heisman voters. Really? Are Heisman voters really that soft-hearted? I'm actually inclined to believe he was duped, because being dumb explains EVERYTHING. First off, was the Gramma even real? I assume she was, because if they found out about the girlfriend, they had to have looked into the Gramma right? If Gramma was real, how dumb is it to think you need a dead girlfriend in the story because the drama of playing through a beloved dead Gramma is just not sad enough. Is this the NCAA or All My Children?
Also, Lance Armstrong has come clean. Yeah - I don't care about him either. Whoop de fuckin do. Lance cheated. Sorry. I really don't even care if he doped while competing. Seems this was a pretty widespread problem in professional cycling. Not sure why. I mean it's professional cycling for fuck sake. Very few cyclist become enormously wealthy. Not sure why you'd take the needle, and risk raisining your nuts for a cyclists paycheck. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and elite cyclists rake it in. Lance's problem wasn't cheating, or using PEDs. His problem is being a self-important cock-wad. His problem was using his name and celebrity to crush people who criticized him by telling, what turns out to be, the truth. All I know is that I can never watch Dodgeball the same way again. I'll have to tell Vince Vaughan not to listen to Lance because he's a big headed, self-serving, lying little douche-nozzle. Fuck him and his little bracelet. Being a colossal dick, and ruining others' lives doesn't get wiped away because of charity. Dick - there's your legacy Capt One Nut.
It's really ridiculous that this is even a story. I mean, I get that it is. It's big because it's a freak show, and we all love a freak show, but why are we surprised? There are millions of dollars at the end, or even in the middle of, the sports star rainbow. You get to bang Sheryl Crow. Brent Musberger crows on TV how hot football player girlfriends are - because they are. Hello!!! You get to earn millions playing. Then you get to make more doing Wrangler ads - even after you text your dick to a girl in the PR dept. Who wouldn't lie, and cheat their way to that. We lie and cheat for even less. OF COURSE professional, and elite college athletes, lie. Of course they take PEDs by a large margin. And we love it. We love big, fast collisions. We love athletes dominate the competition. We love touchdowns, and long home runs. That's what we want. So, that's what we get. So quit fucking belly-aching when the curtain is pulled back showing it's all a put on.
NFL Football is the most popular sport in the United States. By far it has more fans, and more eyes on the television screen than NBA Basketball, Major League Baseball, and NHL Hockey. So why is its all star game, the Pro Bowl, the lamest, least watched, least covered, and least talked about of all the major sports all star games? Major League Baseball has a whole weekend of activities. Monday before the game is televised with the Home Run Derby, celebrity games, and other assorted activities. The NBA likewise enjoys a days long extravaganza of the Slam Dunk Competition, and the 3-Pt Shot Competition leading up to the All-Star Game. Hockey has its own skills competitions showcasing the skills that make the game so great.
Additionally these 3 events all take place in the middle of the season. They're a break of sorts where fans take a short break from the races that only then are about to be getting underway to celebrate the best participants the respective sports have to offer.
The NFL Pro-Bowl by comparison sucks. It totally sucks. It's a sucktacular sucktacle of suckage. No skills competitions, non-participation by a significant number of fan selected starters because of sore ankles, elbows, turf toes, hamstrings, and a general "who gives a shit, I'm here because of a contract bonus" air surrounds the entire affair. Well, I'm here to say it does not need to be that way, and it shouldn't.
The most important thing the NFL can do is move the Pro-Bowl. It's in the completely wrong time of the season. It's at the end. All the players are tired of playing. They're beat up, and worn down from the season. It's also played the week between the Conference Championship games, and the Super Bowl. Who gives a shit? How anti-climactic can you be? We've been ramping up to the playoffs all season, and then we're following the playoffs and all the drama entailed there. Then, finally, when we find out who's playing in the Super Bowl, the Worlds Championship of the biggest sport, but wait, let's take a break and watch an exhibition. What?!!?!? Really?!?!?! It's 15 degrees outside, and I'd rather take down my Christmas lights. (I know - slacker)
Move it to the beginning of the season. It can't be a mid-season break like the other sports. Move it to the beginning. Instead of the Hall of Fame Game between to teams, have the Pro-Bowl be the Hall of Fame Game. Really, it's at the beginning of the season. People are ready for football to be back. The athletes are just back from the off-season, and are ready to compete instead of ready to go home and rest.
It's a whole weekend. There's the Hall of Fame Inductions. There's a whole weekend to do skills competitions. There can be a NFL Fastest Man competition. There can be a Strongest Arm competition. There can be a Strongest Man competition. All of it on NFL Network, or ESPN. Then instead of an exhibition between tow teams 2nd and 3rd stringers hoping to make the kickoff coverage team we can watch the Pro-Bowlers we all elected the previous year.
